How Beetlejuice Tried to Scam the Happiest Girl in the World (and Co)
by Narwhals Forever
Summary: Beetlejuice has really made Lydia mad, and now he needs to buy her a replacement bike to smooth things over. He launches a get-rich-quick scheme to do this, which lands him in a big, spooky mansion with a bunch of freaky little kids. Stuff happens.
1. Part One

Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction for both Beetlejuice and Ruby Gloom. I do not own either of these things.

All references to Edward Scissorhands, or any other Tim Burton works, are completely intentional. I hope you enjoy this little story I did, and hope even more that you leave a review to tell me what you thought.

And now, without further adieu, the story!

...

Well, it had happened again. Beetlejuice's latest get-rich-quick scheme had backfired tremendously, and now Lydia wasn't speaking to him. In his defense, he hadn't _meant_ to completely destroy Lydia's brand new bike. He had needed a test subject, and if his mail-order, build-it-yourself Wrap-O-Matic had worked as he had planned, Lydia's bike should have popped out of the machine perfectly wrapped in shiny aluminum wrapping paper, topped with a big frilly bow. He hadn't _expected_ the bike to come out the other end an unrecognizable pile of scrap metal and rubber shreds.

"Maybe I should have followed the instructions," He muttered to himself, scratching his head.

"Beetlejuice?" Lydia called from the other room. She appeared in the doorway, just finishing pulling on her red spiderweb poncho. Beetlejuice froze in horror as Lydia paused, her eyes fixed on the heap of ruins in the middle of Beetlejuice's living room. "What on Earth is that?"

Beetlejuice cringed. "Heh heh," he laughed nervously. "Um…your bike?"

Lydia blinked. "What?"

"I needed a test subject," Beetlejuice explained. "So I used your bike."

"Without even asking?" Lydia put her hands on her hips, getting angry. "Beetlejuice, that was a birthday present! It was brand new!"

Now that he thought about it, telling her that the bike was kind of ugly anyway was probably _not_ the best response. Lydia had left in a huff, despite his apologies and pleas to come back, and now he was left with a strange feeling that was bothering him. It was a tight feeling that felt like something was lodged in his throat and boiling in his stomach. Is this…what guilt feels like? He thought to himself. He shuddered. He wanted the feeling to go away as soon as possible.

Perhaps getting her a different bike would get rid of the feeling. A cool bike, way cooler than her old one, with gadgets and gizmos and a snack compartment (always stocked with beetles, of course) and a laser cannon a skull on the front that shrieked like a siren whenever you pushed a button! She would forgive him immediately, and this awful feeling would go away (not to mention the fact that she might let him ride it sometimes). It was the perfect solution.

One problem though. "I'm broke," he wailed, promptly shattering into a million pieces. Pulling himself together (literally) Beetlejuice decided that he must go out and scrounge up enough money to buy his Lyds a new bike. He wandered around, thinking up schemes and searching for just the right sucker to scam. After the first few tries, he had had had no luck (most of the neighbors were too used to him to fall for another one of his money-making plans), so he decided to branch out to farther reaches of the Neitherworld, where he'd be more likely to find a fresh sucker, naive and loaded with cash.

Upon arriving in a town called Gloomsville up north a bit, Beetlejuice thought he may have found them. Nine of them, actually.

Gloomsville was an ordinary town, as far as Neitherworld towns go, anyway. Fog hung heavy in the chilly air. Buildings swooped up towards the gray, cloudy sky, bending and curving at odd angles that would impossible in the Living World, where pesky laws like gravity and physics got in the way. Street lamps with candles and other 'antique-y' elements were mixed in, making it look like some bizarre, fantasy Victorian village. There were no sandworms in sight, which Beetlejuice liked. And there was a huge Victorian mansion on a hilltop on the edge of town, which Beetlejuice liked even better.

Spotting a withered old husk of a man slowly making his way down the street, Beetlejuice flew over and asked him who lived at the big mansion over there.

"Why, young Miss Ruby Gloom and her friends," The old man replied.

 _Ruby Gloom? Sounds like a sucker_ , He thought. "Young? Like, how young are we talking about here?" Beetlejuice said. From the looks of it, _everybody_ was young to this geezer.

The old man frowned and his bald head, thinking. "I'm not really sure," he mumbled, half to himself, half to Beetlejuice. "I think that most of them are still children, though in regards to the bat and the crow, I can't be sure. It's a sort of a boarding house, I think. A bit of a peculiar situation, now that I think about it…" He trailed off.

Beetlejuice's eyes lit up. Whoever lived in that mansion had to be pretty filthy rich. But a bunch of rich, naïve little kids living there? That just made his job a heck of a lot easier.

...

Misery happened to be the closest to the door when the doorbell rang. She had just tumbled down the stairs and was lying in a heap at the bottom, right in front of the front door. "I'll get it," she moaned, picking herself up and adjusting her veil, which was askew on her head. She cleared her throat (ahem) and opened the door.

"Hello," she said flatly.

The guy on the porch was rather filthy looking. His skin was a peculiar shade of pink-purple, his eyes were yellow and sunken. His long, greasy yellow hair stuck out from underneath his baseball cap. He pointed a long, jagged fingernail proudly at the emblem on his chest, a logo of a toilet. "Howdy do. Beetleman's the name, fixin' pipes is my game. I was called for a plumbing problem," he grinned at her, exposing crooked yellow teeth.

Misery frowned. Well, more than usual. "I think you might have the wrong address." Suddenly, a bolt of lightning came from out of nowhere and struck her, causing Beetlejuice (or "Beetleman") to jump back in surprise. The lightning charred her and singed her hair and clothes. Smoking slightly, she muttered, "Ow."

Beetlejuice stared as she coughed, a plume of soot and ash billowing out in front of her. "Have a nice day," she told him, her voice raspy, and began closing the door.

Beetlejuice realized too late that his opportunity was escaping him. "Wait," he began, but the door was already shut.

Misery was hardly two steps away when the doorbell rang again. Closing her eyes and sighing, Misery reluctantly turned around and opened the door again. Mr. Beetleman still stood on the proch, albeit with a different suit on. He took of his hat. "Me again. Are ya interested in timeshare?" He asked.

"No!" Misery closed the door again. Beetlejuice frowned _. Dang it_. Maybe he needed a different approach.

Misery was three steps away from the door when the doorbell rang again. She looked at the ceiling, aggravated, and spun around. She opened the door for the third time, expecting Mr. Beetleman again. However, somebody else was standing there.

A very ugly woman with a peculiar resemblance to the "Beetleman" who had come knocking before stood there. She wore a uniform similar to a flight attendant's, except that it was striped pink and purple. She also carried a pink case in one hand. "Hi there," she said in a high-pitched voice, twirling a piece of stringy blonde hair around her finger. "I am Beautyjuice, winner of last year's Neitherworld Beauty Pageant, here to show you my new line of cosmetics. Perfect for those with unusual complexions, disgusting skin diseases, and advanced decay!"

Misery raised an eyebrow.

"Perhaps you would be interested in some pockmark concealer, or cream for those nasty lightning scars!" Beautyjuice reached into her bag and pulled out two bottles. Misery squinted. The label on them read 'Beautyjuice Cosmetics: For the Undead with Class.' "I could even give you a free sample and demonstration! What do you say?"

"Umm…" Misery began uncertainly.

"Hey, Misery. Who's this?" A little girl with spiky red hair and a black dress walked up to them, standing next to Misery.

"Um. Ruby, this is… "Beautyjuice.' I think," Misery introduced awkwardly. 'Beautyjuice' waved cheerfully.

"I was just telling your friend here about my new line of cosmetics. You have a very pale complexion, dearie," Beautyjuice noticed. "I have something that will highlight that natural beauty." She held up a light purple bottle. "It has just a touch of lavender in it. Would you like to try it out?"

Ruby wasn't much for make-up, but she figured, why not. Besides, this lady seemed nice. She didn't want to turn her away, at least not yet. "All right. Come on in," She said, graciously stepping aside. Beautyjuice stepped in, marveling at how big the main hall was.

"Welcome to Gloom Manor," Ruby said brightly.


	2. Part Two

"Thank you, dear, it's lovely." On the inside, Beetlejuice sniggered. His plan was working out perfectly!

As Ruby and Misery led him to the kitchen, Beetlejuice took it all in. Lush carpets, big, arching windows, a grand staircase and a huge, cozy fireplace. There were two chairs next to the hearth, big, fancy and comfy looking. Bookshelves held old, musty tomes, and gilded picture frames sparkled on the walls. They even had a shiny grand piano. Yep. _Definitely_ loaded. He also kept an eye out for where any money might be stashed. Under cushions, maybe, or perhaps in safes behind picture frames. If he didn't make enough as he wanted by selling ridiculously overpriced 'beauty products' then maybe he could just grab some cash when nobody was looking and make a run for it.

The kitchen was pretty big, too. A huge cauldron sat in the center over a huge fire. There were stocked cabinets everywhere, and also a fridge and a huge pantry door. Ruby showed Beetlejuice to a table by a window, where he sat down.

"Would you like a snack, Ms. Beautyjuice?" Ruby asked politely.

"Got any spiders?" Beetlejuice replied reflexively before realizing his mistake. Hastily and in falsetto, he amended, "I mean…yes, that would be wonderful, dear."

Ruby grinned. "Okay. Hey, Misery?" She called over to her friend, who was standing closer to the fridge. "Could you pull the jam out of the refrigerator?"

Misery nodded glumly. Beetlejuice noticed that her soot-covered, singed dress and skin had inexplicably repaired themselves and turned back to normal. He wondered briefly what she was…probably not another ghost…banshee maybe?

Misery opened the fridge door. A transparent blob shot out at her, waving its arms. "Boo!" It yelled.

"Augh!" She yelped in surprise, ducking as the little ghost zipped past her and around the kitchen. Suddenly, it came to a stop in front of her. It frowned, disappointed. "Aww," he muttered. "I thought you were Scaredy."

Beetlejuice shook his head. Pfft. Amateur.

"Hey, Booboo. If you're looking for Scaredy, I'm pretty sure he's relaxing in his hammock," Ruby informed him helpfully. She grabbed a loaf of bread from inside the pantry, closing the door behind her with her foot.

Immediately, the ghost grinned and took off, flying straight through the wall and outside. About ten seconds later, a satisfying shriek was heard. There was the sound of a door opening, and a tiny little bat with a purple scarf sprinted into the room. "RRRRUUUUUUUUUUBY!" He cried. He dashed behind her, shaking. Beetlejuice noticed a transparent form rise out of the ground behind Scaredy.

"BOO!"

"AAAAAAAAUUGH!" Scaredy jumped about five feet into the air, zooming under the table and cowering in fear.

The little ghost collapsed in laughter, clutching his sides. Ectoplasmic tears formed in his eyes. Beetlejuice rolled his eyes, stifling a yawn. The ghost caught the movement and stopped laughing, offended. "What?" He snapped. "You think you could do better? Who are you, anyway?"

"Beetle-I mean, Beautyjuice."

"Alright, then, Miss Bee-yoo-tee juice," Booboo snarled, trying to be threatening. "I'll bet you're all talk and no scare."

"Oh yeah?" Beetlejuice asked, a twinkle in his eye. He loved a challenge. "All right, wise guy. Watch this." He reached under the table, scooping up the trembling little bat, and plopped him down on top of the table. Without too much effort, Beetlejuice popped his eyes out of their sockets, letting them dangle down his face. Putting his fingers in his mouth, he stretched it wide, revealing sharp teeth and a snake for a tongue. "BLARGETY-BLARRGHH!" He yelled.

Scaredy screamed, terrified, then promptly fainted into a little heap. Beetlejuice let his face pop back to normal.

"Oops," he muttered.

"Oh, no!" gasped Ruby, dropping the bread. "Poor Scaredy! I'll go grab the smelling salts!" She dashed off.

Booboo stared, transfixed, on this Master of Fear before him. He felt a strong urge to bow down and worship her. Misery, on the other hand, narrowed her eyes. Something seemed…off about this lady. "You're pretty scary when you want to be," She remarked. "How'd you get to be so good at it?"

He couldn't resist the opportunity to brag. "I've always been the ghost with the most," Beetlejuice said smugly.

"I suppose you're going to leave that up to my own interpretation," Misery replied flatly.

Booboo approached Beetlejuice cautiously, his eyes filled with wonder. He wrapped his immaterial hands around Beetlejuice's ankle. "Teach me your secrets, oh Feared One," he begged. Beetlejuice made a disgusted sound and shook him off.

Just then, Frank and Len walked into the room. "What's all the ruckus about?" Frank asked.

"Yeah, we were jammin' when we heard this really loud noise," Len added.

"Miss Beautyjuice is selling cosmetics," Misery explained, even though that didn't really explain much at all.

"She's really _scary_!" Booboo cried excitedly.

"I'll say," Len said absentmindedly, giving 'her' a lookover. Catching the glare Frank shot at him, Len, realizing his rudeness, quickly backpedaled. "I mean, uh, in a totally awesome way," he grinned nervously.

Ruby re-entered the room, a jar of salts in one hand. A black cat bounded after her. She rushed over to the table, uncorking the bottle and waving it under Scaredy's nose. As the aroma hit him, the little bat gradually came to. "What?" He blinked blearily. "What is going on?"

"Are you all right, Scaredy?" Ruby asked, concerned.

"Oooh," He said faintly, putting a hand up to his head. "I am feeling a bit woozy, you know."

"Perhaps you should just lie down for a while," Ruby said, helping him to his feet.

"Yes, yes. Good idea. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room. For the couple years or so," Scaredy stumbled out of the kitchen.

"Doom, could you see that he makes it there all right?" The black cat nodded, emitting a sort of violin-ish sound, and trotted after the little bat. Ruby turned to Beautyjuice. "Okay, then," she said. "Let's take a look at those products you were talking about."

Beetlejuice took his case and emptied the contents on the table. Jars and bottles spilled out, including a couple of snakes and a bug or two. "Whoops," Beautyjuice giggled. "Silly me." He shoved the snakes into the pocket on his skirt. Eyeing a stray beetle, Beetlejuice trapped it in his hand and shoved it into his pocket too. "Save that guy for later. Now then. This concealer is quite nice," he said, holding the bottle out to Misery. "Would you like to try some, just to see how you like it?"

Misery shrugged. "Okay. As long as it's hypo-allergenic." She took it from him. Suddenly, she sneezed, and the bottle disappeared into flame, ending up as a pile of ashes on the floor. "Whoops."

Beetlejuice blinked. "Okay then. How about this? A little mascara never hurt anyone."

Her eyes got wide. "Ooh! That's what the makeup lady told my great, great grandmother's sister's cousin, and then she poked herself in the eye with it and she was allergic to it and she had to get her eye removed because it got infected, and now she wears an eyepatch."

Everyone stared at her. "True story," Misery said.

"Uh, okay then…do you have any black eyeliner?" Len asked. Relieved, Beetlejuice held up a little pencil.

"Sweet! I needed some more," Len said, grinning. He took the pencil.

"What about me?" Ruby asked. You said you had some…foundation, or something?"

Beetlejuice grinned and nodded, rummaging through the pile of bottles. He noticed Booboo was still staring at him, and swatted him away. It was around then that Len raised his hand. "Uh, Miss Beautyjuice?" He asked. "This kind of looks like a regular pencil."

Beetlejuice froze. "Uh, whatever do you mean?"

"It just doesn't look like the type of eyeliner I usually get…"

"Well, that's because it's new and specialer than the other kinds that you usually get," Beetlejuice snapped. His voice softened to it usual simper. "Now for your foundation…"

"Hey guys, look!" A skeleton boy appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. He was pulling some machine behind him. "I think I might be descended from a long line of inventors, so I crated this machine…oh, hello."

"Skull Boy, this is Beautyjuice," Ruby introduced them.

Inwardly, Beetlejuice raised an eyebrow at the name. And he had thought _his_ name was unusual.

Skull Boy flashed a smile. "Hi." He stepped forward, looking closer at the cosmetics spread out on the table. "What's all this?"

"Beauty supplies," Beetlejuice explained, in character. "I'm opening a new line of products." Skull Boy picked up one of the bottles, labeled 'foundation,' and looked closer at it. Beetlejuice was put on edge by that. He hadn't exactly had a ton of makeup on his hands when he had to go undercover as Beautyjuice, so what he hadn't had he made up for in whatever he did have on hand. That particular bottle that the skeleton kid was holding was actually some Bottled Yuck (Only 1.50, available at your local Shocking Mall) he had picked up for pranks a while back. Some of the other supplies, such as Len's eyeliner (which really was just an ordinary pencil) or the powder weren't real either. Beetlejuice's plan had originally been to just sell them for ridiculously high prices, but now he was worried this kid might realize it was a sham before he could make any money at all.

Beetlejuice decided to distract the kid. "Ooh, you must tell me about this new invention," he said. "I absolutely adore inventions."

"I adore your scariness," Booboo whispered. In a mix of annoyance and revulsion, Beetlejuice grumbed and swatted him away.

Luckily for Beetlejuice, asking about the invention distracted the skeleton kid enough to put down the 'makeup.' "Oh, it's really cool! I call it the Shoelace-Tier 3000!" He gestured grandly at it, pausing for effect. "See, I noticed that when people have to tie their shoes, they have to stop what they're doing and tie them, which takes time away from having fun! So I decided to create something that ties people's shoes for them, letting them have extra time to do what they want!"

"OOH! That'll be awesome!" Len said, fist-bumping his Siamese twin. "Now we can rock out without worrying about tripping over one of our shoelaces!"

"That's a great idea, Skull Boy," Ruby said. Beetlejuice had to agree.

"Shoelace-Tier, huh?" He mumbled to himself. "This could be the next big thing. I could make loads of money off of this. Think of all the bugs I could buy…" he raised his voice so everyone could hear, speaking in Beautyjuice's falsetto. "What an intriguing invention! How does it work?"

"Well…." Skull Boy led Beautyjuice over to the machine. "Put your foot right there," Skull Boy pointed. Beetlejuice, for once, did as he was told. Skull Boy produced a remote from his pocket. "Now I just press this button and…" He pressed a bony finger to the button. Instantly the machine whirled to life. Mechanical hands popped out from the machine's sides, buzzing and clanking, and began to tie Beetlejuice's shoelaces. Soon, however, it began getting out of control. The hands got grabby, pulling Beetlejuice into their grip and tying him up.

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOOOA!" Beetlejuice cried, dropping the falsetto as the hands pulled at his hair and tied it into knots, wrapping him up in his own shoelaces. "HOW DO YOU STOP THIS THING!?"

"Oh, no!" Ruby gasped.

"Whoa!" Frank and Len gaped.

"Turn it off. TURN IT OFF!" Misery shrieked.

"I'm trying!" Skull Boy was frantically pushing the buttons on his remote, trying to regain control of the machine. Finally, the machine obeyed. Sputtering out of juice, it let Beetlejuice go, twirling through the air to land roughly on his bottom. His head spinning (literally) Beetlejuice groaned.

Skull Boy cringed before rushing over. His friends did the same. "It was just a prototype, still working out the kinks. I'm really sorry, Miss." Skull Boy apologized.

"Hang on, I'm really good at untying things," Len said, reaching for one of the giant knots on Beetlejuice's side. Frank smacked his hand away.

"No, Len, you'll just make it worse!"

"No I won't! Let me through!" Frank and Len pushed each other, struggling against one another as much as they could.

"Guys, stop it!" Ruby yelled, trying to break them up.

"Maybe I can help," Misery said, calmly ignoring the fighting brothers next to her. She reached towards Beetlejuice, but he quickly rolled away.

"No-ho! I don't need any help, thank you!" Beetlejuice cried, knowing full well that her trying to 'help' would probably result in him getting killed all over again. He shimmied his way out of his binds.

Out in the hall, he heard a peculiar sproinging noise. A cyclops girl emerged into the kitchen. She was listening to a portable music player (which seemed to be a tiny phonograph, oddly enough). She pulled out an earbud, still bouncing on the giant springs attached to the bottom of her feet. "Whoa!" She cried, looking about at the scene before her. Ruby and Skull Boy were trying to stop Frank and Len from fighting, some strange, really ugly lady in a pink uniform was stumbling around the kitchen, there was a strange machine in one corner, shoelaces all over the floor, and bottles of…something all over the floor.

The only one who seemed to be unaffected by everything around her was Misery, who looked calmly at Iris. "Hi."

"What's going on here?" Iris asked, bouncing over.

Misery sighed. "It's a long story."

Finally, Frank and Len seemed to stop fighting. Beautyjuice was panting. "Ugh," he grumbled, not even bothering with the falsetto anymore. "This isn't worth it. I'm leaving and taking my beauty supplies with me _." I can scam somebody else with this stuff,_ he added in his head. _I'll get the money for Lydia's bike, but I'm not spending another second here._

"Wait, wait," Ruby said. She felt awful for the poor woman to go have gone through as much as she had and leave empty handed. "I'll buy that foundation you offered," She said.

Beetlejuice paused. "You will?"

"Absolutely. How much?"

Beetlejuice's eyes lit up. "Uh…one, no, two thousand dollars! And then you've got a deal!" He cried.

Ruby's eyes got wide. "Really? That seems…"

"Expensive." Misery finished for her. "Like my hospital bills…"

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. "A guy—I mean, girl has to make a living, you know. Besides, you live in a giant mansion, for Pete's sake. You should be able to pay for that in a flash."

Ruby looked down at her feet. "Well, this mansion's been in my family for years, Miss Beetlejuice. I've never had to pay to live here, and neither have my friends. I'm afraid we don't have very _much_ money. Certainly not as much as you're asking for. I'm so sorry, but…I can't afford it."

Beetlejuice stared at her, his yellow eyes bulging. "Can't afford it?" He echoed stupidly. He facepalmed, groaning. Of course. Just his luck, wasn't it? Maybe the blue girl was rubbing off on him.

"It's a real bummer. I wish we could buy some. I love playing around with that kind of stuff." Iris started to babble. "I remember this one time we had a club, it was for hair, not makeup, and it was called "Hair Today, Gone Tommorow," which is a pretty good name I think, but if there were cheaper beauty supplies we could have a different club, and I'm not sure what the name would be but I know it would be totally, absolutely so much fun!" In her excitement, Iris bounced a little bit too high, and she crashed right into the table, smashing all of Beetlejuice's 'beauty supplies.' Beetlejuice watched in horror as the various goops and powders ran together in a sickening puddle, shards of glass and plastic littering the table.

Iris gasped, covering her mouth. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" She cried.

"Maybe my luck is wearing off on you," Misery said dryly.

That was enough. He had wasted all his time and energy trying to scam a bunch of kids who didn't even have that much money, and now all of the stuff that was his that he _could_ have used to scam some actually rich suckers or at least pull off some good pranks was gone, and he wasn't going to see a cent for it!

He blew it. He grew to ten times his original size, towering above the kids. They gasped in shock as Beetlejuice screamed in rage, his pink flight attendant costume giving way to his usual black and white striped suit, his makeup disappearing and his hair blowing from an invisible gale. He swelled up so far that the roof was actually pushed up by his gigantic head, exposing the interior of the house to the cloudy sky outside. He also scared the heck out of a well-dressed crow that happened to be flying by. Lightning stuck dramatically in the background, and green fog seemed to come out of nowhere, swirling around him in a tornado-like form. "THAT'S IT!" He boomed, his voice ringing through the whole house. He looked down at them and pointed. "GET READY TO FEEL THE RAGE OF THE GHOST WITH THE MOST!"

The kids gaped at him. For a moment, he thought he truly terrified them. Then they did something that completely shocked him.

They applauded.

"Wow!" Frank and Len said. "Wicked cool!"

"What a neat trick!" Iris cried.

"Must've taken ages to perfect," Misery said.

Beetlejuice stared. Then sighed. He shrunk back to his original size, the roof plunking back into place. The green fog and lightning disappeared, and all went back to normal. Beetlejuice flopped onto his bottom, his face in his hands. "Ugh…" he moaned.

He felt somebody kneel beside him. He had a feeling it was the redhead girl, or doll, or whatever she was. He groaned. "What do you want?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you could tell me what's going on. I think there might be a little more to your story than you're letting on." Surprisingly, there was no hint of accusation or anger in her voice.

Beetlejuice sighed in resignation. "Okay. So…my name's not really Beautyjuice, it's Beetlejuice. I was pretending to sell make-up and other stuff because…I need the money. I accidentally ruined my friend Lydia's bike, and now she's mad at me, and so I wanted to replace it to make it up to her, y'know? So I lied and dressed up like a lady and tried to sell you stuff to pay for it."

To his shock, none of the kids seemed angry with him. "It's okay," Ruby said, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You meant well. You were doing it for a friend. And now you know what you did wrong, and can learn from it in the future. We forgive you, really."

Beetlejuice gaped at her for a few moments, before shaking her hands off of him in disgust. "AARGH!" He yelled, throwing his head back and shouting to the Heavens. "WHY do you have to be so…so… _NICE?!_ "

Beside him, Ruby was unfazed by his outburst. She even chuckled. "I think that's one problem I'm happy to have."

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Somebody also knocked on the door. "Beetlejuice?" A familiar voice called.

Beetlejuice gasped. "Lydia?" He looked around for a place to hide. "Oh no, oh no, oh no…oh, I'm really screwed this time." He promptly turned into a giant screw.

"Hello?" The voice came from the Great Hall. "Anybody home?"

"Uh, yeah. Come in!" Skull Boy called. There was the sound of a door opening, and a slew of voices and footsteps neared the kitchen. Out of the darkness of the hall, the well-dressed crow that had been flying by, a certain tap-dancing spider, bodybuilding French skeleton, and black cat raced into the room. But the one Beetlejuice was really worried about, the raven-haired, spiderweb-poncho-wearing girl, entered last.

"What in Heaven's name was that thing that popped out of the house?!" Poe the crow asked, fluttering down. "Is everyone all right?"

Doom Kitty let out a string of meows, which Ruby seemed to understand perfectly like it was a different language. "She says that she heard a really loud noise and came to investigate. Also, Scaredy's staying up in his room until we go up and tell him it's okay to come out," she translated for everyone else.

"We thought we saw our friend rise up out of your house," Ginger the Tap-Dancing Spider explained.

"We have been looking for him everywhere," The French skeleton, Jacques, explained.

"You mean Beauty-I mean, Beetlejuice?" Ruby asked. "Sure, he's right here." She turned to point him out, but found him gone.

"Where'd he go?" Iris asked, looking around.

"I think he gave us the slip," Misery remarked.

Skull Boy flicked his eyes around the kitchen, scanning for the ghost. "No, he's right over there," he said, pointing at the striped lamp in the corner. There was a dull popping noise, and the lamp disappeared, replaced with the so-called "Ghost with the Most."

"Sacre bleu! There he is!" Jacques said, pointing a bony finger at him.

"Beetlejuice!" Lydia cried.

Beetlejuice groaned, knowing all too well he'd been caught and was in for a good chewing out. "Heh heh…uh, hi, Lyds," he chuckled, trying to be casual.

Lydia put her hands on her hips, clearly frustrated. "Beetlejuice! We've been looking all over Neitherworld for you. You just disappeared—I was so worried about you. What was I supposed to think? And then I finally end up here, and I find you making a huge mess of these nice people's kitchen. What is all of this? Another one of your get-rich-quick schemes?"

"No, Babes! I mean, it started out that way, but-"

" _Beetlejuice_!" She scolded. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Come on. Clean up, apologize, and then we're going home."

"But-" Beetlejuice began, before realizing it was pointless. He hung his head, guilty again. He felt a small but encouraging hand on his shoulder.

"I think maybe you should tell her exactly what you told me," Ruby said.

Beetlejuice knew that the weird, disgustingly nice little girl was right. He sighed. "I wanted to raise the money to buy you a new bike after I wrecked your old one," He explained. "So I tried to scam these guys into getting me money. I'm sorry, Lyds. For everything."

Lydia blinked, Then shook her head. "Oh, Beej," she said affectionately. "I accept your apology. And I relly appreciate the effort to replace my old bike. But you know that scamming people is wrong," she added sternly.

Beetlejuice swallowed. "I know." He turned to the others. "I'm…I'm…" he stammered, not seeming to be able to spit the word out, "… _sorry_. Whew," he panted.

Skull Boy smiled. "Apology accepted."

"Yeah, it's okay!" Iris bounced over to him, trying to pull him into a hug. Beetlejuice wrestled away, out of her grip.

"Hey, hey! You can look, but you can't touch!" He growled.

"Oh, come on. Group hug!" Iris reeled him into a hug. Ruby giggled and joined in, followed by Frank and Len, Skull Boy, and after some slight hesitation, Jacques, Ginger, Misery and Lydia.

Poe sat on the sidelines, watching the whole scene unfold. "I'm sorry. I still don't think I quite understand what's going on here," he muttered to nobody in particular. Booboo nodded in agreement. Doom Kitty shrugged and joined in the hug.

"Yecch. There's so much _love_. It's touching me!" Beetlejuice squirmed from his spot in the center of the hug.

Misery smiled. "I love happy endings," she said. A lightning bolt came out of nowhere and struck here, making all the others jump back in surprise. She coughed, a ring of smoke blowing out. "Ow."


End file.
